March 12, 2009


My husband walked in the door tonight with a bouquet of flowers for the third time in our nine-year relationship. I immediately burst into tears and cried for a long time.

I really needed that tonight.

I don't quite know how to strike the right balance on my blog. If I write too casually about my fertility woes, I get called flippant. If I write in too much depth about my innermost feelings, I get told I am self-centered. So I swing back and forth, trying to figure out just how much to let you know without sounding whiny or weak so I don't come off robotic either.

Please don't take the fact that I still write about Obama and Thin Mints to mean that I am not constantly fretting about my baby and planning for the worst: becoming The Lady With Three Miscarriages And Zero Living Children.

The flowers were a wonderful touch today, husband.

Posted by Sarah at March 12, 2009 04:54 PM | TrackBack

Honestly - write about what you want to write about and let people think whatever the hell they want to think. It's your blog.

And *hugs* to you this week. I can totally *get* that you want to write about things other than what is likely constantly on your mind, even if only to get it off your mind for a few short minutes. No judgment here. Only good thoughts & prayers for you and yours. That's it. :)

Posted by: Leofwende at March 12, 2009 05:59 PM

I'm with Leo,write whatever you want. Life is like
that,things get too intense and you need to slip
down to normal for a bit to preserve your sanity.

You know,you can be like Lileks and refuse to let
us comment at times.... you think Hemingway would put up with being
abused by his readers?

Posted by: MaryIndiana at March 12, 2009 06:21 PM

No judgment here, either - just empathy/sympathy/appreciation. {:-) Your blog, your life, your writing. 'Nuff said. ;-)

Posted by: kannie at March 12, 2009 06:58 PM

Oh, ouch. I'm sorry you're stuck worrying about that on top of everything. I'm glad the flowers came at just the right time. It doesn't seem flippant at all, to me, to talk about other things. . . .

Posted by: Lucy at March 12, 2009 07:13 PM

I naturally assume that through all the flippance and non-chalantness that you are of course worried beyond belief.

Don't ever let anyone tell you who you are or what should be important to you. What you're doing is hard and it sucks and it's not fsir.

Remember my stupid rant about people's inability to be polite or have a sense of decorum on the internet? I think that applies to anyone who would call you selfish or flippant.

F em'. You are who you are. This is your life, this is your blog. Write about it or not. It's your choice. No one ever has a right to tell you how to feel.

And your husband rocks for knowing to do just the right thing at just the right time. Knowing that is worth more than all of the empty grand gestures I've seen by people over the years. One guy I know used to get his wife a really expensive piece of jewelry after each failed cycle or miscarriage. She keeps it shoved in a drawer and has never worn any of it.

Posted by: Mare at March 12, 2009 07:25 PM

Remember the first rule of a good blog: write about me (chuck).
I am the only thing people want to read about, all else is fluff and filler.
tryingtogrok is about you. what you like, what you feel, what you want, what bothers you, whatever's on your mind.
Never let a reader's possible response or reaction modify what you write, then you just start pandering, and you either become LAW, Ariana Huffblow, SeeNN, or the DNC. The only person in this world whose opinion matters to you should be me. (and by me, I mean Russ.)
I seldom write about my daily life anymore. I write about things that make me laugh, or piss me off, or frustrate me, or the occasional flogging of an asshat. Wait, that is my life.
I don't write about the military all day, every day; yet I am still a milblogger. Don't worry about setting limits on your blog, we're all imaginary anyway, so who cares?

Posted by: Chuck at March 12, 2009 09:45 PM

I think you are far more than just a fertility obsessed blog writer! You're also a knitting politico with an ardent support of the military! And a friend! And coming from a girl with similar woes who lets myself blog-wallow far more than needed and far more than you I know some of what I'm talking about! :) Good man! Give your husband a pat on the back for me!

Posted by: Darla at March 12, 2009 11:00 PM


What a guy...

Still prayin'.


Posted by: T at March 12, 2009 11:19 PM

Sarah you talk about anything you want. It's your blog. If anyone wants to be a jerk about it send them over to me and we will have a little wall to wall counseling session.

Head up, chin out, shoulders back....face the world.

Posted by: Pamela at March 13, 2009 12:50 AM

Hi there,
please tell me people didnt really say these things to you!! They werent really that insensitive were they??

As to sharing an ultrasound room. I have NEVER heard of that. Ive heard of sharing a birthing waiting room until its time ( never happened to me thank f***.) I couldnt imagine anything worse and insensitive.

Ill be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, ill also be crossing all fingers and toes.

Posted by: orlane at March 13, 2009 05:39 AM

I read your blog everyday, but I rarely comment (once or twice maybe). I love the freshness and honesty you show in your writing. I may not agree with everything (actually I probably do) but I know it is what you feel and believe. Remember that it is your blog, write what you want to write when you want to write it.

Posted by: Padraig at March 13, 2009 09:08 AM

All I can say is tell the people who want to criticize you to BITE ME!!!! Your blog, your thoughts, your decision.

Posted by: Reasa at March 13, 2009 04:28 PM

Sarah, my prayers are with you.

Posted by: Tink at March 13, 2009 05:09 PM

I love whatever you write, because I care about what you care about. So write what you feel like writing - when you feel like sharing, share - when you need to be light, be light. It's all good :-) Anyone who made comments calling you flippant -or- self-centered is an idiot.

Your hubby is a gem - I'm glad he surprised you with something so sweet :-)

Posted by: Barb at March 13, 2009 05:40 PM

BTW - the comments below are not working. Maybe on purpose? Anyways, thanks ... love #3!!

Posted by: Barb at March 13, 2009 05:48 PM