January 11, 2009


My husband and I have been torturing ourselves with alternate reality a little lately. Our due date is coming up this week, which just underscores how perfectly timed that baby was. I got pregnant right before he deployed, and he would've returned with a little over a month before I gave birth. And the birth would've happened right during block leave. It saddens us to think how perfectly that would've worked out.

Another wife in the unit got pregnant right at the same time I did. She is due any day now. I also hate that I keep getting hit with these Comparison Babies. Sometimes I look at CaliValleyBaby and think that my own first baby would be teething and scooting around these days too. And now I will have to look at this new baby in our unit and be reminded of the progress that our second baby isn't here to make.

Some days I am hopeful that this will work for us. Other days I think that, with our track record, we have little chance for success with only five times to try before the husband deploys again.

My New Year's resolution ought to have been to stop being Dante Hicks.

Posted by Sarah at January 11, 2009 11:08 AM | TrackBack

"What if?" has been my favorite question ever since I was a kid. Sometimes it's as if I spend more time in alternate realities than this one. It's "imaginary" friends like you who keep me rooted in the real world, who remind me that reality can be better than fantasy.

Yet as much as I love working out alternate timelines, there are some that are too painful to think about, particularly those that have to do with me and people I care about like you. What would have been, what we think should have been can taunt and torment us, distracting us from what is. They're like radio transmissions from parallel worlds.

But of course, they really originate from within our own minds. In theory, we could tune them out, or even turn them off. Should we? I'm not so sure limiting our imaginations is a good idea. The part of our minds that comes up with these should've-been worlds for ourselves may be the same part that dreams of a better world for others. There has to be a middle ground between repressing those transmissions and obsessing over them, and I hope you can find it.

Posted by: Amritas at January 11, 2009 02:34 PM

I'm sorry. . . .

Posted by: Lucy at January 11, 2009 02:46 PM

Sarah - I am sorry you have to go thru this. I was wondering (and sorry if this is too personal)..if your dr had thought of giving you progesterone shots. Reason I ask - - I have had 2 friends recently who didnt have trouble getting pregnant, they had trouble staying pregnant and once the drs did testing they realized their bodies needed the extra boost, so they both took progesterone shots. Sorry if this is being too nosy/personal, but thought I'd suggest it. Thinking of you

Posted by: Keri at January 11, 2009 02:55 PM

Keri -- Yes, we're going to try that, but unfortunately we have both problems: getting AND staying pregnant. We have to get pregnant again first before we can try to save the pregnancy with progesterone.

Posted by: Sarah at January 11, 2009 02:57 PM

How lovely to be hit with spam on this post...or maybe Marina is in an alternative reality?

I'm sorry, Sarah.

I love you, truly. You are a dear friend & I am here for whatever you need.

I am praying and hoping and wishing and all of those things--for you & the Mr.

Posted by: Guard Wife at January 11, 2009 10:11 PM

Once again a loss for words in this department, although I am praying for you and your DH often...

YOu are not Dante hicks, this is "YOUR reality, there is no alternate reality."...It is what it is...

Have some chips you will feel better

Posted by: awtm at January 11, 2009 10:36 PM

Sarah~ I am sad that you feel compelled to remind yourself constantly of the losses and to compare yourself with people whose life, while similar, isn't yours! You are just scratching the surface. I am not saying this to be mean and nasty, nor to downgrade your plight so far, but some things take time. Keep your chin UP. Learn from your experiences. Find the "lesson" -- and then you will be rewarded. I feel terrible that you don't have that bebe *yet* -- but you will. I have full faith that you will get what you're looking for, albeit later rather than sooner....

Posted by: Allison at January 12, 2009 04:55 AM

Sorry to hear about your losses, and I can totally relate. A girl at work had her comparison baby 2 days ago. She told me she was 6 weeks pregnant a few days after I lost mine at 6 weeks.

Posted by: Stephanie at January 12, 2009 03:56 PM


I can only try to imagine what you are going through. While I want to have my own children, I've never tried getting pregnant (it's that whole still being single thing...), so I don't have to deal with the "what might have beens". Just know I think good thoughts for you and the hubby...

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at January 12, 2009 10:14 PM

When you really think about all of the things that must happen at the exact perfect moment for a pregnancy to result it's a wonder anybody ever has a baby....I pray that everything comes together in the exact perfect moment for you in one of your five tries this go round. Keep your spirits up, I find a good laugh always helps. Try watching the new "The Day The Earth Stood Still" it is soooo bad, my husband and I made fun of it all the way through. We take our laughs where we can get 'em.

Posted by: Pamela at January 13, 2009 01:50 PM

Dear Sarah..
I ''compare'' as well....
hugz, my friend.......

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