October 03, 2008


The farce continues at the fertility clinic. I found out I had to give myself a HCG shot, so I had to go pick it up. I arrived, the nurse handed me a paper with instructions, and I went home. I read the paper and saw it says that I have to come in the next morning for bloodwork. This had never been mentioned before, so I called and left a message for the nurse to confirm the info. She called back a few hours later and said that I do not have to come in. Geez almighty, could this process get any more muddled? Who's running this clinic, the Mad Hatter?

So Wednesday night I went to my neighbor's house so she could give me my HCG shot. She was gleeful. I pinched my tummy fat and she came at me with the needle. It didn't go in as easily as she thought it would, so there was a little more of a push than she geared up for. But it didn't hurt any more than any other needleprick. And that was that.

Thursday I didn't feel so great. My lower abdomen was hurting. Not serious pain, but enough to make me uncomfortable all day long.

And I couldn't sleep last night. I was pumped up on dorkosterone from the debate, and I started to miss my husband very much. I began to worry: worry that this might not work, worry that it might work too well, worry that this baby will also die, worry that I will be a bad parent. I did not sleep one wink last night, hence the middle-of-the-night debate post.

I was a zombie when I arrived at the cryobank this morning. The TV in the waiting room was playing Jon and Kate Plus Eight. That seems a tad inauspicious. And did you know that you hand carry the (ahem) male contribution to the hospital. They say the best place to keep it warm and safe is tucked in your bra. That's an awful weird thing to have tucked there. And you instinctively keep reaching up to make sure it's still there, so I'm sure I looked freakish to passersby.

I got to the clinic and was seen remarkably promptly. The process hurt a little more than I expected it to, but it was quick. They like you to lie there for 20 minutes, so the doctor and nurse left me alone in a room to become impregnated.

I took my knitting with me because I thought it would be a funny story to say that I was knitting while I got pregnant. But when the moment came, I didn't feel much like jokes.

I lay there alone for 20 minutes and cried.

Posted by Sarah at October 3, 2008 12:58 PM | TrackBack

My Ford, Huxley never envisioned this.

Jon & Kate Plus 8!? Of all the things to be playing in the cryobank waiting room! What a cruel coincidence.

I wish I could be there to try to comfort you, or at least distract you.

I hope you can sleep tonight. Easier said than done, I know. You've got so much on your mind. But you are also in the minds of others who care about you even if they can't be with you.

Posted by: Amritas at October 3, 2008 01:33 PM

Brave New World indeed. Sorry no one was there to hold your hand. And Jon & Kate Plus 8 is an incredibly insensitive choice for the waiting room.

Posted by: Mare at October 3, 2008 01:36 PM

I wish I'd been there to hold your hand and regale you with wittiness...or, we could have just been pissy together. :) I'm so keeping positive thoughts for you!

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 3, 2008 03:01 PM

I hope today's try at sleep goes better! And wishing the best for you :) I remember seadaddy not happy about his end of the analysis process. Where he could 'collect the sample' at home and bring it in (since he was braless they suggested another keep warm spot) or he could avail himself of the regular plain old men's room once he got there. I heard plenty of not nice words about his ordeal. It is definitely a Brave New World.

Posted by: wifeunit at October 3, 2008 04:12 PM

I do so wish we could have been there to hold your hand (we being all of the SB peeps). Please know that you're in my prayers.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at October 3, 2008 04:15 PM

*Happy Warm Baby thoughts & prayers your way*

Posted by: kannie at October 3, 2008 07:11 PM

Crying is ok, too, although it sucks and we try to avoid it as much as possible.

I have much hope for you and I'm sending happy fertility thoughts your way.

Posted by: Sis B at October 3, 2008 07:30 PM

I'm not there to hold your hand, but I certainly hold you in my heart, thoughts and prayers. We all do.

Be well and I'm throwing all the baby wishes I've got.

Posted by: Susan at October 3, 2008 08:54 PM

Sarah, I wanted to call today, but figured your brain would be on overtime...

It does sound like the Mad Hatter is running the show there, and I guess instead of Brave New World, it may be Through The Looking Glass...

I wish I would have been closer to give you a shot, and make you tea, and make you warm moist packs for your tummy...

It is ok to cry....

alone, but not lonely is sometimes...the strangest place to be

Ask alice

Posted by: awtm at October 3, 2008 09:57 PM

Aw, man, I know. It probably all feels so weird. I guess there was not really any way to warn you. It is very lonely and I cried too. I was alone almost every time that I had to go to my clinic, too. It's not the same alone that you must feel, though! I'm sorry for your two week wait. And the worry? It never stops. But you already know that :)

Posted by: Kate at October 7, 2008 02:05 PM