December 06, 2007


Life is conspiring to make me a stronger person today.

We got to the hospital this morning and had to wait in the waiting room for a while. At one point, a nurse came in and decided to turn on the TV. After the commerical break, we returned to Dr. Phil, who said -- I am not kidding -- "Today we're talking with women who are desperate to get pregnant."

Of all the things to watch on TV when you're waiting for a D&C. My husband and I just burst out laughing.

Then I got into the pre-operating room, and the assisting doctor came to get me settled. The very pregnant assisting doctor.

I mean, at this point it's like someone is just trying to make things awkward, right?

But everything went well, and, um, now we don't have a baby anymore.

I've been thinking a lot about the John Prine lyrics I posted the other day. In the grand scheme of things, this really is only half an inch of water. And I did feel like I was going to drown earlier this week, but unfortunately I've gotten way too good at The Perspective Game for my own good.

The women on Dr. Phil had major problems. They only ovulated three times a year. They had tried numerous in-vitros. My husband and I look lucky in comparison to that.

The friend I wrote about a while back who had the miscarriage, her baby was further along than ours was. Hers looked like a real baby instead of the tadpole striking a Rosie the Riveter pose like ours was. It would've been a lot harder for me if our baby had looked more like a baby.

When I woke up from the surgery, I hurt. I am a big wimp, and I was in pain. And I lay there thinking about GBear's son, a 13-year-old boy whose body was ravaged by cancer and who has to repeatedly endure painful limb lengthening surgeries. If he can deal with massive metal pins pulling his femur apart, I can surely deal with some cramping.

I've taken a deep breath this week and realized that things could be a lot worse than they really are. This half an inch of water will not drown me; it will make me a better swimmer.

So this chapter of my life is over, and now we're on to the next.

And I now return this blog to the regularly scheduled programming of attempts at grokking.

Posted by Sarah at December 6, 2007 04:21 PM | TrackBack

Hang tough Sarah.

Posted by: Badger 6 at December 6, 2007 04:55 PM


Posted by: airforcewife at December 6, 2007 05:12 PM

I think you've got great perspective. Take care. And some more hugs.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at December 6, 2007 05:20 PM


You have handled this 1/2 inch of water with great grace and, while I'm around, you're certainly entitled to lose perspective for a bit to allow you to have whatever feelings you want to. You're taking those and turning them around to keep moving forward makes me want to hug you even harder. :)

Posted by: Guard Wife at December 6, 2007 06:41 PM

You have every right to whimper some. and indulge in a bout of feeling sorry for yourself and your husband. don't do it too long, but a little bit is a totally normal human thing to do.

You have been an amazingly strong lady through all this. Bending a little won't hurt.

Sending lots of good thoughts (and if I could, hugs and chocolate)


Posted by: liberal army wife at December 6, 2007 07:21 PM

You are in my heart and thoughts and many hugs to you and your hubby!

Posted by: LMT at December 7, 2007 07:43 AM

You've handled this amazingly well. Just remember that it is okay to grieve. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending more hugs your way.

Posted by: Marine Wife at December 7, 2007 08:56 PM

Your day will come. I am sorry it's taking so long. At least you can have kids.

Posted by: James Hudnall at December 7, 2007 11:47 PM