May 31, 2007


The flippant deal is still bothering me a bit. I don't think I've ever heard the words "Sarah" and "flippant" used in the same sentence in my life, so I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I think that's the worst insult she could've given me, considering how seriously I take motherhood. I went to her site and did a search on the word pregnancy, and I read about her miscarriage. It sounds awful, and I am deeply sorry that she had to go through this. But can't she have any sympathy for me? I'm almost 30 and I don't have any children, and I want one. She has children; can't she understand why I would be sad that I am not pregnant? And how could she possibly accuse me of being "flippant" about pregnancy when she wrote this post about being pregnant?

The only person who has moral authority over this blog is Heidi Sims. The other day I wrote a post about how great my husband is; you think that makes her feel good to read that? But she didn't feel the need to comment and say what a jerk I am. Trust me, I think about her every time I post about my so-called troubles, ever since the day when I was moaning about my husband being the last one home from Iraq, she was there to give me an attagirl. Carren Ziegenfuss always says that every person's life is different and you are only responsible for dealing with the troubles you have; you don't have to constantly feel bad that your husband has all ten fingers. I do constantly feel bad about those things, and I feel it in this situation too. I feel for people who really do have infertility issues. I feel for people who have lost children. I don't need a commenter to point out what a jerk I am for not prefacing posts about my life with disclaimers that I know my problems aren't real problems. I am already well aware of that, thankyouverymuch. But they're the problems on my plate, and this is where I deal with them.

Posted by Sarah at May 31, 2007 01:32 PM | TrackBack

I've been reading your blog for quite a while, and you do not strike me at all as a flippant person.

Posted by: david foster at May 31, 2007 04:02 PM

Sarah- I didn't think you were being flippant, and I know you weren't. But we can't always control what others want to see in words that affect them.

I've spent an awful lot of my life having things I say misconstrued - sometimes willfully misconstrued because someone wanted to see something whether it was there or not. It's one of the dangers of speaking/writing in a way that others want to read. If you were un-engaging or boring, no one would be here to read what you write about your path to growing your family.

Using sarcasm or other methods to try to take the "sting" out of something that is affecting you deeply is healthy -- for you. And for me. And for many people. But not for everyone.

Things will happen for you when they are supposed to happen, and not before. It would be nice to have been given a road map of our destiny when we are born, but we aren't. There is no law that says you aren't allowed to deal with your frustrations in the best way possible for your own health and sanity.

In retrospect, I would have to say if anyone was flippant, it was my email to you about the fun of trying for a baby vs. the horrors of dieting. Both things I am intimately familiar with. So, feel free to pass me the Flippant Queen title so you can take a load off.

Posted by: airforcewife at May 31, 2007 05:49 PM

move over AFW,

I wanna be The Queen of Flippant. You may be funnier at it...can we share?

Yes, one of the bad things about the Blogosphere..

I call it Lost in Translation.

For example, I am hilarious in person....not so much on the blog...

(that was sarcasm for those that missed it)

Also can I move to Brits country?

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 31, 2007 06:11 PM

We tried for just shy of a year to get pregnant and had given up. I was even sceduled for surgery to look for endo when by chance I peed on a stick because my boobs wouldn't fit into my bra yet I had lost 10 lbs. Viola the boy Oz is now on his way!

Everyting you said in your original post was exactly how I felt. I cursed the OPK kits, I cursed the thermometer as I took my temp every morning and I cursed my period every time it showed....Basically a swore A LOT!

Each person deals with their life's disappointments differently, mine is with sarcastic humor, you seem to be very methodical and presistent (with a slight twist of sarcasm). Doesn't make either one bad or good it just makes one mine and one yours. If this poster can't handle your way of dealing with YOUR life's issues then she needs to get her own blast life. SEESH, maybe you can buy her a sense of humor.

PS - Boff like bunnies during R&R, even if you don't get pregnant then either at least you had a really good time.

Posted by: Household6 at May 31, 2007 07:20 PM

Wow, I hardly know what to say. I started blogging recently and have often wondered if I offended anyone with what I write. I read and reread your post trying to find something flippant. The first time I got pregnant it took two months and every time I got my period I cried. It is all about perspective and others should not judge you for yours. In addition to the fact that deployments put a ton of pressure on family time lines. Perhaps some of your readers need to be reminded that Army deployments last 12-15 months now, which really screws up family planning. I love reading your blog, keep it up!!!

Posted by: Sarah at May 31, 2007 08:37 PM

I have been reading and lurking for awhile now and i have not seen you as flippant. If anything I find it reassuring and so very funny.

I am one of the people who has never had a problem getting pregant and when I read your post about how hard it has been on you I cried and wanted to give you one of mine. Really the 3 year old is yours to take. (DISCLAIMER: He is not really up for grabs. I just feel like giving him away for a few days.) Try not to let what others say who have not walked in your shoes get to you. Your heart is huge and this is your blog. You put out whatever you want and tell the ones who don't get it to "Bite me!!" :)

Posted by: Reasa at May 31, 2007 10:52 PM

Opinions are like assholes, yes?

And as I said in my comment, I have tried to comment before, only to have it kicked back. It wasn't just this particular post, and as I said in my comment, I am sure that you don't mean to come across that way....

The miscarriage post that I made over a year ago? That was the first of three miscarriages. I am not looking for sympathy, it happens.

I understand more than anyone wanting to have babies and having windows of opportunity, and I have been reading you for a long time.... I think that what I SHOULD HAVE SAID was that it's not that easy sometimes to get pregnant, and there's only 12 times a year.... And when you finally are pregnant, it's no joke.... It's also not time to celebrate because it's just the beginning.

I do have sympathy for you.... I hope that you never have a bad experience or a shitty pregnancy, but it happens to other people all the time.... And thinking that it's going to be easy? Well, it's not. Thinking that bad things happen to other people, not you.

Talking about being a mom and being a mom are different, too. You can think that you are going to do it right, make the best decisions, read the right books....

You had a previous post about the "What to Expect..." books and the Q&A sections.... I felt you were pretty harsh with a know-it-all attitude about the women and the questions they were asking. I'm not going to research the post.

To me you are coming across as a very bright woman who doesn't understand a "surprise" pregnancy. You plan for it, through control... But there are few of us that have that much planning sense.

And like I said, I will leave it at that. I'm sure that I overreacted and now have this overreaction back at me.... Rereading things from me, posted a year, almost two, that were almost gone for me....

I am bummed that you didn't hit your window. Going through pregnancy alone isn't easy, either. For obvious reasons....

Guess I deserved that.

Posted by: allicadem at May 31, 2007 11:01 PM

PHHHHT. Let me translate - compared to doom and gloom, nothing is easy, "it's not a time to celebrate" oracle addicadem, you ARE flippant. Thank God for that!

Posted by: Oda Mae at June 1, 2007 01:52 AM

I've been reading your blog for 3 years now and I've never known you to be flippant. As far as pregnancy goes, it took us 2 years to get pregnant with our first. And, like a cliche, we got pregnant right after I returned from a deployment (along with half the other couples in the Brigade, it seems). I know it's frustrating when you want to start a family and nothing happens, but don't give up. At the same time, don't take away from enjoying your time together. Good luck!

Posted by: Chadd at June 1, 2007 08:25 AM

I really appreciated your post. My husband and I have been trying since January. Although we don't have the time concerns that you do (with your husband being gone), it's still frustrating and sad. The reason I really appreciated your post is that we're not telling anyone that we're trying, and as all of our friends get pregnant, and I get another period, it's just nice to know, that even though I don't know you and you have no idea who I am, I'm not alone.
Thank you!!!!

Posted by: Majik8 at June 1, 2007 10:58 AM

Her comments speak volumes about her, not about you, especially since no one seems to be agreeing with you being flippant. Sarah, only you can know what is best for you and your family. I see you trying to do that. You are obviously not going into this pregnancy and motherhood blindly. You are trying to set yourself up for success. It is so clear that you want this so badly, that you did pour your heart into that post, that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button would call you or your post flippant. I can understand how that hurts you deeply.

Even more surprising to me . . . she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further. Salt to the insult on top of injury. That's just bad behavior.

It is your blog. Post what you like. It looks like you have lots of supporters here who care about you and struggles to get pregnant. I'm sorry that this isn't coming easy for you.

Take care of yourself. And here's a big hug.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at June 1, 2007 01:16 PM

Very few people understand...perspective. I know you do.

Having a baby alone...twice, not much fun. Especially since we waited 10 years. (yes, we are planners, and guess what, it is important to plan the arrival of a human to our planet!)

And so while my Mother was in ICU, and I was at her bedside finally pregnant.....I watched the twin towers fall, and knew I would be alone, for the birth.

I am not sure if there is a perfect time or place, or way to have a baby.

And looking back, it was ok. I sure learned a lot about myself.

I am terribly baddass.

Would I have preferred to have DH there after 10 years of WAITING, you bet your ass on it.

But I guess The Lord thought there was a more important lesson for me to learn. I learned it TWICE!

So enjoy....and this post will probably comfort people tremendously. People in OUR position, or other couples trying, so there is that.

Moral authority, no one knows your life until they have lived it...

So continue with baby quest 2007, and enjoy!

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at June 1, 2007 03:13 PM

"...that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button..."

"...she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further."

Mom? Is that you?

Just kidding. Was I being flippant?

I am entitled to my opinion as is everyone else here in the blog'o'sphere.

I'm sorry how you reacted to what I said.... How's that for an apology?

Sarah.... I do apologize for hurting your feelings. I hope that we can move on (not

But if you were a little sore from 'flippant' I got it tenfold! POW! POW! WHAM! I remember Tammi getting a crappy response from a post -- you should have seen the turnout of defense!

Take it easy. Drink some wine. Listen to some Barry White. I heard that works.....

Posted by: allicadem at June 1, 2007 06:03 PM

Yeah, AlliCadem, you got it with both barrels. But I think it's because people thought you took a cheap shot. Like I said in my email, your argument might have some merit, but you wrapped it in such an insulting bow.

No hard feelings. We squash it right now.

Posted by: Sarah at June 1, 2007 10:10 PM