May 31, 2007


Flippant? I got called "flippant" in my attitude towards having a baby. Ouch.

I poured my heart into that post. I cried the whole time I wrote it. I think I'm anything but flippant about having a baby.

How many times have I called my mother, ArmyWifeToddlerMom, Angie, Erin, Kelly, Erin, and many others to ask questions about motherhood? To talk about how scared I am about taking this step in our life? How many conversations have CaliValleyGirl and I had about our own childhoods and which lessons we want to pass on to our future children?

This is practically the only topic my husband and I discuss anymore: how to foster upstanding human beings. We waited five years to get to this point, to make sure we were absolutely ready. And every day we get excited and extremely nervous about what the future holds. We know we don't have all the answers. But we're at the point where we're ready to try.

Cut me some freaking slack that now that we're ready, I want it to happen.

I sometimes forget that things don't always come off perfectly in written form. I forget that people who know me from the internet don't always really know me. But that comment came from someone whose blog I really liked, whose thoughts and ideas I always appreciated even if I didn't agree with them. That comment really, really stung.

Yes, I know that not getting pregnant for four months is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. Duh, I could write the book on Perspective. Every month as I cry, my husband reminds me that everything is OK and that we still have room for hope. I constantly think of people like my friend Kelly who have no hope and I ache inside. Trying to get pregnant and failing is the most humbling experience I've ever had, because it makes me really put my self in some painful shoes. I can't imagine doing this for years.

I'm sorry if I offended you with my "flippant" attitude towards the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life. I have no idea how that came across. But I do wish you'd kept your mouth shut, because I don't think you know me very well.

(Update here.)

Posted by Sarah at May 31, 2007 08:04 AM | TrackBack

i didn't think it was flippant. i read the hurt behind your words and i'm sorry the window you wanted has passed. i know how scary it is to go through pregnancy alone, and to wonder whether your husband will be there for the birth. it's difficult. but you can do it, and the two of you (three of you, eventually) will have other ways to bond. it's not ideal, but you will still be thoughtfully bringing a baby into the world and raising an upstanding person who you will both love more than you can currently imagine.

it's very important... no, it is of the utmost importance, that you stop seeing your not being pregnant as a failure. you're not failing. you just haven't made your baby yet. YOUR baby. i'm not religious, but i do believe that when your baby is ready to come, he or she (they!?) will come. have faith in your God to make that happen in the right time (which may or may not have anything to do with your own schedule.)

we have completely different personalities. you're a planner and i'm a take it as it comes kind of person. we probably have a lot to learn from one another (i've actually started a little more planning since i started reading your blog), and in this case what i have to offer is to ask you to find a way to relax. take a mini-vacation with your husband, go up to the mountains or down to the beach, have fun and leave the thermometers and ovulation calendars at home.

also, i'm not sure what contraceptives you've been using, but it sometimes takes your system a while to straighten out after birth control pills and/or depo.

i wish you the best. and i also wish two lines for you, as soon as possible.

Posted by: Sis B at May 31, 2007 08:30 AM

“I sometimes forget that things don't always come off perfectly in written form.”

While that may be true, your words/post was NOT flippant, quite the opposite in fact. After going back and reading the person’s comment it seems she was more PO’d about having problems posting her comments previously.

Don’t sweat it.

Good luck, you sound like you’ll make a great mom.

Posted by: tim at May 31, 2007 09:02 AM

I don't think that you are flippant at all.

Also a blog is somewhere where we have the courage to open up about issues we would perhaps never dream about discussing openly in "real life". You are wearing your heart on your sleeve with this issue. It takes courage to expose yourself like that and be vulnerable, and let the world into your private struggles. So it hurts even more so when someone faults you for this honesty.

I also know that Allicadem suffered a miscarriage recently, and she courageously shared the harrowing details of that on her blog. You two are going through similar struggles.

It seems to me that wires must have somehow been crossed (like Tim says, with the comments that didn't post), and Alli unfairly lashed out, because you two certainly have more in common, than differences.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at May 31, 2007 10:37 AM

Your post was anything but flippant. I believe I read it the way it was intended and I don't even know you. Personally, I didnt struggle getting pregnant, but I have alot of friends who did (and continue to). Therefore, I read your post w/empathy & understanding. While I do not pretend to walk in your shoes, I can read w/understanding & offer support.

In my opinion... it sounds like that comment came from someone who has their own personal problems/issues w/conceiving and no matter what you said or how you said it, would be misconstrued.

Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 10:42 AM


I too must say the post, and subsequent posts come off as honest and true of your heart. I have seen nothing flippant about your baby quest.

It does take great courage to put yourself out there. And I feel rather bad, because I have encouraged you to write about it. I also left a flippant comment about practicing. Which was really to temper the discussion to feel lighter. Because I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT THIS.... The quest for parenthood is an interesting and challenging one. And we face many ghosts along the way. For you to share your desire to parent perfectly, I do not see where this came off flippantly.

I hope it is a case of things not translating to one person...

Sometimes, in the World of blogging things are read with a personal agendas voice. I hope that was the case here.

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 31, 2007 12:33 PM

Sarah - I typed a really long response & got an error when saving the comments. So I will keep it brief. What I wanted to say was that I didnt think your post was flippant at all. In fact, I read it the way I think you intended. I thought it to be heartfelt and honest. I dont pretend to walk in your shoes or to be able to 100% relate to your situation. Though I can provide empathy & support - and I don't even know you. I have several friends who struggled (and continue to struggle) w/getting pregnant.

My personal opinion (for what it's worth) is that I think the comment came from someone who must have a personal experience that keeps them "ultra sensitive" to this topic. To pass judgement on you without fully knowing your situation, much less you, isnt fair to anyone.

Take Care -

Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 12:40 PM

Sarah - 3rd time is a charm. I keep getting an error when trying to post. But I feel like its important (at least to me) that I say this to you. I didnt think your post was flippant at all. I believe I read it the way you intended. It was heartfelt & honest. I dont pretend to walk in your shoes - heck, I dont even know you. But I do have alot of friends who have gone through similar struggles (and continue to) so I feel like I understand & can provide empathy or support.

To indicate your attitude is flippant on this topic, without knowing your situation or much less you is unfair.


Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 12:44 PM

OK. Now my comments are there 3 times. So sorry.

Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 12:45 PM