Last night I had a dream that perfectly sums up how I've been feeling these past few days. In the dream, I went to see the musical that's showing here, but throughout the whole thing, my students kept interrupting and asking me questions. I finally gave up trying to watch it and went to the store to buy some gifts for my husband, but my friend kept pressuring me, telling me it was time to go and that I had to choose quickly.
This whole week has gone down the toilet. On Monday, when I was so excited to be taking my vacation days so I could get stuff done, I never imagined what a waste this week would be. I got suckered into going in to work on Wednesday and Thursday, so I sat there all day long, thinking about everything I would be doing if I were at home. When I wasn't at work, I was knitting furiously for the gift exchange we had last night; the woman who won my gift said monotonously, "Oh, a scarf and hat," and then tossed them on the floor. Eight hours of work, wasted. So I was saving my stuff to do until today, when I found out last night that our company was supposed to be doing a gift-wrap fundraiser today but no one has signed up for it. No one even called me about it, but now I might get stuck gift wrapping for four hours.
Christmas gifts are supposed to be mailed back to the States no later than tomorrow in order to guarantee them in time for Christmas. I haven't even started packing the first box. My Czech orphan gift has to be over at battalion this morning too. I also haven't bought a single thing for my husband for Christmas, since I haven't even had time to think.
When is it going to be time for me to do what I want to do?
I mentioned my frustration to my husband the other day (thus the funny exchange), and he thought I was cracking up. He said I sounded like I was depressed and that he was worried about me. I'm not depressed; I'm pissed off. I have stuff that I need to do, and it's all getting pushed aside for stuff other people need me to do. I know it's nothing like the stress of having an RPG hit your tank, but it's still something I don't really want to deal with.
So, once again, no blogging from me. I don't even have time to read blogs today.
Posted by Sarah at December 10, 2004 08:14 AMSarah,
There is this really wonderful word I was reminded of just this year. I had forgotten all about this word and at times, I was finding myself a bit overwhelmed. Then one day a really good friend reminded me of this amazing word, now I use it when I have things that I actually need to do for :::gasp:: me.
The word is "No".. learn it, use it, it is your friend.
I know I worried my hubs a few times in the last 10 months, I'm the last thing he needs to be focused on right now.
Take care of yourself Sarah, I have faith in you. :)
Posted by: Tink at December 10, 2004 09:48 AMI agree Sarah. You would not be so overwhelmed if you said "no" every once in a while. You can't be all things to all people, especially not if you're doing NOTHING for Sarah. She deserves your attention and some REST!
Posted by: Kathleen A at December 10, 2004 12:37 PMI know precisely how you feel. I was always Mr Dependable until one night I decided not to go to a unit volleyball game. All of a sudden there was panic, and several phone calls. "We will forfeit. We don't have enough players!" I finally broke down and went. I sat on the bench, even though I was the best player on the team, because we ended up having enough to play. From that point on, I tried always to set my own priorities.
Posted by: Mike at December 10, 2004 03:34 PMSarah,
Remember the idea we were given the other day about "needing a personal assistant"...
Well the idea is looking really good right now!
Kelly
You've recieved some wonderful suggestions on saying no - that's important. I know. Because I don't do it and feel very much like you right now.
What really burns my hinney here is the woman that recieved a hand knitted scarf and hat set and threw it on the ground. Threw. It. On. The. Ground.
I know I have nothing to do with that but I just need to say I'm so sorry. You do beautiful work, from what you've shared with us. And what a wonderful, thoughtful gift. That just really burns me, and I'm sorry, that with everything else going on that someone could be that thoughtless and shallow.
Hang in there.
Posted by: Tammi at December 11, 2004 06:23 AMHey, I'm back, did you guys miss me?
For what it's worth, whenI have my low-grade depression, it's always angry-blue. Can't concentrate, can't read, just fractious and nothing makes me happy. It's not always the weepies, believe me! However, if you're still able to concentrate and enjoy your reading, you're probably just fine.
Call me later, got some funny stuff from the weekend.
Posted by: Oda Mae at December 13, 2004 10:58 PM