July 18, 2004


I was just sitting at the kitchen table grading papers when I looked up to see a Military Police vehicle parked in front of my house and an MP out in my yard. I froze. We live right next to a corner where lots of people get tickets, so I knew he was probably just clocking people, and I know in the rational parts of my brain that MPs do not do casualty notification, but I decided to check it out. He said there had been a noise complaint in the area, so he was listening for loud music. I told him that when your husband's deployed, an MP is the last person you want to see in your yard. He laughed and apologized, and when I walked back in the house, I realized I was shaking and crumbling fast.

No matter how many times you imagine the scenario -- and believe me, we lie in bed on bad nights and think about it -- I guess nothing can really prepare you for that knock on the door. As I shut the door and swallowed the lump in my throat, I wondered if I really would be as strong and brave as I am in my imagination.

I didn't feel very strong ten minutes ago.

Posted by Sarah at July 18, 2004 03:34 PM

Anything I write will seem so trite right now. Just know, there are so many out here sending you all the support and strength we can. **hugs**

Posted by: Tammi at July 18, 2004 06:25 PM

As I read your posting, I was reminded of the movie, "We Were Soldiers Once", where Madeline Stowe played Col. Moore's wife who espies the cabbie coming up the sidewalk with a Western Union telegram in his hand. How she acted in the film is how I imagine you felt.

At the same time, I cannot begin to imagine what went through your mind and heart...

I shall think of you in my prayers tonight, that God will settle your heart and calm your spirit.

Stay strong, and GBY,


Posted by: Jim at July 18, 2004 09:15 PM


Sometimes, you say (write) things that need to be said, but that I can't find the courage to say. It seems terribly morbid, doesn't it? But it's true, probably each of us imagines it at some point (I know I have). I hope with all my heart that we never have to endure those moments outside of our nightmares.

Posted by: Carla at July 19, 2004 04:39 AM

You are a heroine, Sarah. Yikes...I'm not sure I could handle being the wife of a military man, so that makes me look up to you. :-)

Posted by: Princess Jami at July 20, 2004 10:42 PM