March 01, 2009

THIS IS TOO HARD

I don't know if I can take this. My heart hurts:

When I wrote the other day about bearing my burden while my husband is at SERE, I had no idea that the scales would tip towards him so quickly. He has begun his last week of the class, which means he's at the "practical application" point of survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. And my heart hurts so bad for him because it's been pouring rain. Just pouring. And they're forecasting snow for tomorrow.

I know my husband is a tough guy and that he'll figure out how to get through this week, but there is nothing that hurts me more than the thought of him suffering. I've sat here all weekend in my warm house with my electric blanket, and the sound of the unrelenting rain is just killing me.

It makes me cry to picture him trying to survive outside in this weather. It is a far heavier burden than anything happening to me.

The sound of that rain is just paralyzing me. It makes me sick. It makes me want to go find where is he is rescue him.

I can't stop worrying about him.

It's a different form of the agony of the unknown that we feel when we stand and wait.

Posted by Sarah at March 1, 2009 11:36 AM | TrackBack
Comments

I would call this the agony of the known. You knew what he was getting into, long before the rain started. And now every time you look out your window, you can see the conditions tormenting him. They are concrete, whereas the Middle East was abstract. We're still cavepeople who are more moved by what we see with our own eyes. We can close them, but we can't forget ... especially not when we feel cold ... and when you knit things that will keep others warm.

I hope thoughts of you are keeping him warm.

Posted by: Amritas at March 1, 2009 01:23 PM

That is the thing about worry, it makes things worse. Now you must imagine him as strong and capable and taking care of the situation and I hope that is working well for him. Just keep thinking, he is prepared, he knows what to do. He can handle this. And yes, it is by far, worse than what you are going through but it will be over and he knows when that will be.

Posted by: Ruth H at March 1, 2009 03:21 PM

I haven't been here, but I can relate what you're saying to other places I have been--and I'm very sorry. Wish there was something better than that to say. . . .

Posted by: Lucy at March 1, 2009 07:05 PM

He has chosen this to make him stronger - and it will. Even as you are sad, I know you are simultaneously proud as you should be. I hope he never needs to use what he learns there, but if he does, it will have been time and effort well spent.
With all the craziness happening in the world, politics, and economics, it encourages me to think of the two of you as part of our next generation.

Posted by: Amy at March 2, 2009 12:40 PM

Hang in there Sarah.

Posted by: MaryIndiana at March 2, 2009 07:05 PM

Thank goodness I was rather oblivious when flyboy went years ago, but the wondering and waiting does bite. big time. I know remembering that this makes him a tougher warrior doesnt help right at this moment but I betcha when he comes home he's going to remember it pretty fondly. At some point... maybe not right away!

Posted by: the mrs. at March 3, 2009 09:48 AM

Aw heck... it'll give him great stories to tell and quite honestly, they're not going to let him have an untimely demise.

Me... I'm bad. I'd be snuggled up under extra blankets and would later tell him I kept EXTRA warm for him ;)

Posted by: Meadowlark at March 3, 2009 04:49 PM

I don't know . . . Probably all I could think about (if I were in your situation, and my husband being who he is) is that my husband might possibly complain about the cold, want to kill and eat anything that moves, and would be at risk for a nasty bout of bronchitis but he would love every last minute of it, and wouldn't trade it for an easy day under a blanket for ANYTHING. I could hardly feel sorry for him, since he would have made that choice himself, and I know he would be having fun, no matter how nasty the weather. :)

Don't know if that would help I don't really know your husband. But he sounds like the high-speed, hooah type, and it seems he would also dig having to survive in real elements, as opposed to something as easy as temperate days and cloudless nights.

Posted by: Deltasierra at March 4, 2009 12:50 AM