trying to grok: RAMBO III

June 30, 2008

RAMBO III

OK, it's the post you've all been waiting for: Liveblogging Rambo III.

Oh snap, he's like an ultimate fighter in Thailand.
Is this guy made of pure muscle or what? Rawr.
Hey, is that Clint Howard? No, wait, it's the dad from That 70's Show. Heh.
Dang, are we going to Afghanistan? To fight the Ruskies? Sweet.
He's a Thai hippie now.
Ehhh, the colonel was taken hostage by some terrible Russian accents! And the US government can't do anything about it! Here comes Rambo!
"If you're captured, or if any of this leaks, we'll deny any participation or even knowledge of your existence." "I'm used to it." Nice.
Bring it on! Rambo's going to The Stan.
Wait, hang on, why is an American colonel the only guy doing a covert mission to Afghanistan? He went alone?
Nice picture of Lenin on the wall.
Safer to travel through the caves? Watch out for the Balrog.
Blah blah blah mujahideen blah blah John Rambo blah blah.
All of these Afghans sure speak good English.
Ha, a kid trying to get Rambo to give him all his stuff. He should be saying Meester, Meester.
"God must love crazy people. He makes so many of them."
John Rambo: buzkashi prodigy
Ack, here comes a...well, it's not a Hind. Some sort of helicopter I couldn't identify. Anyway, Rambo 1, Hollywood "Soviet" helicopter 0. (Imdb says they were French.)
Rambo's knife cuts through barbed wire. Dang.
Oh, nuh uh. He is riding underneath a tank?
Shooting an AK with one arm, carring Short Round with the other.
"Who do you think this man is? God?" "No, God would have mercy; he won't."
Ooooh, ripped his shirt off.
Oh my lord, he just poured gunpower into his wound and lit it. Is that medically sound? Dang. That was hardcore.
Too bad this isn't another fake helicopter crash like in Rambo II.
He just brought down a helicopter with a bow and arrow.
Oh smart, attaching a glow stick to a grenade.
They all have automatic weapons and he has a bow, and he's still whoopin' butt.
He pulled that fat guy's grenade pin and gave him a Leonard Smalls death!
Rambo and the colonel vs the entire Soviet Army. And the Soviets promise them a fair trial. Ha.
Mujahideen to the rescue! Now it's horses vs tanks. Rambo doesn't come with good odds.
OK, Rambo comes charging with a horse and a Molotov cocktail, and the attack helicopter gives up?
The colonel popped the door gunner with a 50-cal! Now it's Rambo in a tank (smarter than the horse) vs a helicopter, playing chicken in the desert.
And why is there enough room for him to lie down in that tank? I've been in a tank; there's barely enough room to sit.
Man, that meester meester kid managed to take the necklace Rambo's Vietnamese booty call gave him right before she died.
The movie was dedicated to "the gallant people of Afghanistan." Well, some of them at least.
And it was filmed in Israel. Heh.

OK, so now we jump from 1988 to 2008. And seriously, I cannot wait to see the newest one. Especially after seeing this exchange on the trailer:

It will help change people's lives.
Are you bringing any weapons?
Of course not.
You're not changing anything.

My husband and his buddy loved that line. Me too. I can't wait.