January 03, 2008


I'm sure you've heard the joke that there's no such thing as being "a little bit pregnant," but it's not true. I have been returning weekly to the hospital to get my hormone levels checked, and my body is taking its sweet time. Despite the fact that it's been a month since the D&C, my body still recognizes itself as being "a little bit pregnant." And until it stops, there's nothing we can do to try to get a whole lot pregnant.

I find it a cruel trick of nature that, by the time I went to the health clinic to prove I was pregnant and get an appointment, our baby was already dead. The baby that only lived three weeks has taken an additional 12 weeks to finally let go.

And the sad thing is that we thought my husband was deploying this year; his orders not to go didn't get amended until the day we PCSed. We thought he'd be gone for a year and then come home and we'd start a family. Instead he went into Civil Affairs training and we decided to make good use of his time at home. And now here we are, just shy of one year from the day we decided to start a family, with nothing to show for it. According to the original plan, he'd be returning from deployment right now and we'd be starting the journey towards having a baby...just like we're doing right now anyway. Only if he had just come home, he'd've lined his pockets with deployment money, and we'd just be beginning our safe year, not ending it.

Cruel. It just feels so cruel. And we don't even have real infertility problems. It could be so much worse.

Posted by Sarah at January 3, 2008 02:31 PM | TrackBack

One of my best friends has been going through this for the past year 1/2. She's had 3 miscarriages and can't seem to find any real answers as to why her body keeps rejecting her pregnancies. I can't imagine being in her shoes...in fact, it scares me in a big way. I hope you have success soon.

Posted by: Nicole at January 3, 2008 07:42 PM

i've been a bad blogger since i moved to texas, and this is the first time i realized what happened to you. i'm so sorry you've had to go through this and it really does seem so cruel.

i would encourage you to remember the reasoning you had when you first decided to keep trying to get pregnant even though the timing was bad, and believe that things will happen in their own time.

and i wouldn't look at it as the day you "decided to start a family." you ARE a family, and you're building a strong foundation which will support the children who will one day be a part of it.

/unsolicited advice

thinking of you, and i promise it won't be so long before i come back over to your blog again.

Posted by: Sis B at January 10, 2008 10:56 PM

One of life's truly frustrating things is that you can't pass on experience to others. Everyone has to learn on their own about life and things that happen in life....

Some things just aren't as easy as it may seem. Sometimes things that happen to others don't just happen to you (or me)....

Keep your chin up. Trust me on that part. The pendulum may just swing the other way sooner than you think! ")

Posted by: allicadem at January 12, 2008 06:30 AM