The first thing two of my best high school friends said when I walked up to them at the reunion was "Hey, we found your blog!" Gulp. All of a sudden I was completely self-conscious, and I still can't shake the feeling. Neither of them said anything to lead me to believe they agree (or disagree) with anything I say here. They just read it. And I don't like it.
Again, I can't help but think about what Tim said about Polite Company. (I swear, this is probably the post that I think about more than any other blog post that's ever been written.) My blog thoughts are never anything I would every want to discuss during a five minute conversation at my reunion. All of a sudden I felt naked, like everything controversial I've ever said was right there in the open. I was embarrassed, and the more I think about it, the stranger I feel.
I have a friend from high school who's Muslim. Devout Muslim. And we're most certainly still friends...because we both believe in Polite Company. What if he were to find my blog? Even though everything I write here is how I honestly feel, I still can't stand the thought of him finding it and learning everything all at once. What if he were hit with the full force of this blog instead of gradually discussing issues face to face, the way people used to get to know each other before blogs?
I can't stop wondering what these two friends are thinking. Do they talk about how crazy I am? These are two people I really look up to and admire, two of the smartest men I've ever known; what do they think of me now that they know every intimate detail about the inside of my brain?
Right now I feel so uneasy that I can't even stand to blog. It's not normal for your old friends to know the entirety of your personal and political beliefs when you don't know a single thing about theirs. It's a consequence of blogging that I wasn't quite prepared for, and to be honest it makes me feel ill.
Posted by Sarah at September 25, 2006 08:33 AM | TrackBack"Do they talk about how crazy I am?"...I've been reading your blog for quite a while now, and you've never said anything that struck me as even remotely crazy.
Posted by: david foster at September 25, 2006 12:03 PMBeing that they're from the same high school as you, I doubt they think anti-muslim musings are crazy. However, they might think you're crazy once they read this five-paragraph post about themselves.
Posted by: Will at September 25, 2006 02:05 PMHonesty can only be respected. I don't agree with alot of what you write... I've even been angry at times. But, I am still here at least a couple times a week, because none of it is sugarcoated. I have a lot of respect for you and your writings. I always know that I will get an honest opinion about a perspective that I would not necessarily have, and that, to me, is very valuable.
Posted by: Terri at September 25, 2006 04:07 PMWill, what on earth are you saying? Why do you think that people from my high school will all think like me or be anti-Muslim? What could've possibly made you jump to that enormous conclusion?
Posted by: Sarah at September 25, 2006 09:02 PMI had the same sort of feeling the day my mother left a comment at my site!
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at September 25, 2006 09:23 PMIt was really good to see Terri's comment--nice that there are still at least a few people seeking out opinions that challenge their own.
Posted by: david foster at September 25, 2006 10:03 PMSarah - politics are regional, that's why I made that "enormous" conclusion. I just really wish conservative opinions challenged my own in any way. I'd probably seek them out more if that were the case.
Posted by: Wll at September 26, 2006 02:16 AMOK...and I went to h.s. in Illinois, a blue state.
Posted by: Sarah at September 26, 2006 08:47 AMBlue state? Really? 'Cause I gotta tell you,it
looks more purple from here...
Heh well, trust me, I don't *want* it to be blue. I'm just saying I think it's ridiculous for Will to think that he can guess someone's worldview based on where she went to high school. FYI, one of my best friends is dating a guy who works for Obama. My friend group isn't nearly as monotone as Will would like to think.
Posted by: Sarah at September 26, 2006 01:45 PMHaving been raised in the South and learning about polite company, the reason you stay away from religon and politics is they are too prone to cause argument and raised voices. My wife won't discuss politics with anyone other than me, not even inside her family. For me, I like to discuss politics and I don't get upset when people raise their voice, it is part of the fun. Of course, you don't have such conversations in Church or around loaded fire arms. But there is a difference between a raised voice from passion and calling some one a nitwit or worse. Once the insults start, discussion has stopped. The Democratic process is supposed to be built on debate. People should be able to give their opinion and it should be shot down if possible. Often, we must choose the least bad decision. Too often we want a perfect decision or one defended by our ego. I read Sarah's Blog because her opinions make me think and examine my own. Her opinions and writting are good enough to have caused me to change my mind. I think that's a damned good compliment.
Sarah, if people don't like your opinion, let them state why. If they want to call you names, they are worth the electrons their opion is written on.
Posted by: Xopher at September 27, 2006 05:40 PMSorry, that was supposed to be they aren't worth the elctrons they are written on.
Posted by: Xopher at September 27, 2006 05:42 PMThanks, Xopher.
Posted by: Sarah at September 28, 2006 07:15 PMSarah~
Don't listen to Will. If it's the same dude that I think it is, he used to leave retarded arguements on TheQuestingCat's site.
Anyhow, there's been a lot of talk on the blogs (that I read) lately about posting or not posting due to recognition or offensive issues.... The collective sum is, "Don't worry about it."
Easier said than done, that's for sure. But don't stop! I think that plenty of folks really enjoy reading you (I know I do!!). And the Wills of this world apparently can't stop reading you....
I'm still trying to figure out how to keep blogging.... It's very addictive...
Posted by: allicadem at October 1, 2006 03:53 PM