August 03, 2005


I felt bad that Grey Eagle took what I said so personally. I certainly never meant that every single female soldier acts like a slut, and I thought I was as tactful as possible in clarifying my position twice. Everyone keeps pointing out to me that it takes two to tango, completely missing the irony: that's what I was saying in the first place. At times you'd think that the only sex that happens in the Army is rape; I just wanted to point out that men don't have a monopoly on bad behavior.

So I felt bad about Grey Eagle, but then I went over to her website and saw what she has to say about me...

I am a soldier and a combat medic, and the person your husband will turn to to save his life, treat his wounds, and evac him out, so he can bring his cheating ass home to you.

Real classy. She even finds time to make fun of the name of my blog too. And then she flat out lies about me:

There were comments where people actually wrote supporting these posts (I noticed that my comments were removed from the post on "Trying to Grok, but the comments supporting her post were left on).

I never deleted anything she wrote. I don't know what on earth she's talking about, since she filled up most of the comments sections.

I know that this issue is very personal for her, more personal than it is for me because 1) my husband was on an all-male FOB in Iraq and 2) if you knew my husband, you'd know that SPC Waterstraw is just not his type (wink). But I am more than a little disappointed that while I was merely trying to bring up an issue that we all tiptoe around, just to put it out there on the table, Grey Eagle has to personally insult me and belittle me as just an "uninformed spouse".

Cattiness and bitchitude is not exactly the best way to raise my opinion of female soldiers, is it?

[By the way, neither is implying that it's OK for married soldiers to have occasional sex downrange because they're stressed out. I don't buy that BS from the slutty wives either. But that's what Grey Eagle appears to say here:

I have seen and understand where soldiers return from patrols or convoys shaken from IED's, ambushes, being shot at, and all the other incidents that take place, where sleep is mixed with motar attacks, explosions, sucide bombers, and living in conditions that create hardship, depression, and fear to name a few. This causes the soldiers, ALL SOLDIERS regardless of gender to behave differently than when we are home. The sex, which is mostly consentual is a reflection of escape and our own mortality, and becomes living for the moment, and NOT a endless orgy of sex. What the hell do you think we do over there. It does not take away from home, spouses, the love we have, or that we wish we were home with them every moment of every day that we deployed

Please tell me I'm reading this wrong. You can't insist that females are not a sex problem for the military and then shrug off "occasional FOB sex" as normal.]

Posted by Sarah at August 3, 2005 10:40 AM | TrackBack

Don't worry about what anyone else says; you've hit the nail on the head with your last couple of posts. When I was an infantry PL back at FT Campbell in the mid-90's, my soldiers always knew when some of the "low-density MOS" units (i.e. transpo or signal) were deploying to Kuwait. Some of the enlisted females would show up at our barracks and try to get pregnant to avoid deployment. Everyone knew it was happening, but no-one ever said anything. Naturally, the male soldiers would complain about it, but that didn't stop them from sleeping with the females.

Bottom-line: you're right. It does take two to tango, but there's an enormous amount of p.c. hyprocrisy in the way the Army handles this issue.

Keep up the great work!
Frederick, MD

Posted by: Chadd at August 3, 2005 02:20 PM

Good grief Sarah - what have you gotten yourself into now? :) I agree with you. I have a good friend who was deployed for OIF I with the 101st and he commented more than once about the "issues" relating to sexual antics going on in their camp. He's a bit older, so maybe he's just got a more mature attitude plus this wasn't his first combat deployment. He's seen many. No matter what anyone says this behavior isn't good for anyone and there is no acceptable excuse in my book. I hadn't been reading her blog recently which is probably a good thing cause I might have stuck my mouth into the fray and caused more of an uproar than you. And yes , my friend is getting deployed again with the 101st and he's not real happy about it since he's stop lossed. He was to retire this month. Poor guy and his poor kids. They haven't seen near enough of him in the last 4 years.

Posted by: toni at August 3, 2005 03:23 PM

when i was in the U.S.NAVY. in the early 90's we had women sailors on the ship.listen when you put men and women in the same workplace sex is just going to happen period.the problems that come with them are going to occur.there is absolutably no avoiding it from happening.yeah i know it's the military and you're supposed to be professional but you're also talking about very YOUNG men/ my opinion all you can do is try to discourage's almost like driving drunk---- you know it's going to happen but when society (or in your case the chain-of-command)makes you aware of the consequences that type of behavior can be diminished.

Posted by: tommy at August 3, 2005 03:45 PM

Sarah: This game has been going on in the military for a long time. In Vietnam it wasn't only the nurses having sex with the Drs. but the Red Cross "doughnut dollies" were running prostitution rings. When the wives complained we heard the same old thing, we were jealous of the dedicated, wonderful women working alongside our husbands. There are dedicated military women but there are also sluts. Wives have a right to complain. Women in uniform, many of them wives, need to be able to see both sides and, if they were honest, admit that they know this stuff goes on all the time.

Posted by: susan at August 3, 2005 04:51 PM

Sarah- see my comments to you on 1 Aug. That soldier has an agenda not to mention an ego. Consider the source.-GEO6

[BTW, I am NOT the female soldier who has insulted you. I am, however, actually grey (age and genetics)and I will let you figure out what the Eagle and O6 means... . All the best to you and the Hubs]

Posted by: GreyEagleO6 at August 3, 2005 05:09 PM

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Boy, if we were back in the 50's, that chick would probably buy the old 'but we could all die tomorrow, it's the BOMB!! Hold me, Darla, I'm frightened! And hey, while I'm feeling you up, mind if I give you a little poke in the honeypot?"

I was a female in the Army uniform for 6 years, worked for the Army a total of 12 years, I'll call it - 85% female single soldiers have disgusting, slut morals and 15% are professional but get lumped in with the rest. 85% of male single soldiers would sleep with ANYTHING, married or furry critters, 15% have some standards. Oh, okay, let's be conservative and make it 80 -20.

From her first posting, I assumed Grey Eagle was actually trying to say she was in the 15% and I was willing to buy that. But that last paragraph you quoted - woo,boy, she's in that 85% and moving fast.

Spare me, lady, and I use the term loosely. When I think of all the good, no, GREAT, men I know who have died in Iraq - and I'm thinking of one in particular - I can tell you what they do when they're shaken from battle. They call their wives, they talk to their kids, they stand in line for the VTC camera.

Integrity, honor, loyalty and the rest of the Army values don't fly out the window when you survive an ambush or when a single soldier drops her panties as she walks by and asks if you (her married NCO) want any of that, she's got it for you. And yes, that's a direct quote.

If you lose it for a while, fine, you apologize, you do your best to move forward, you try harder to be a professional next time. But you DO NOT rationalize cheap, sweaty thrill sex and call it a noble sacrifice, helping each other with the bond of sex. (Hey, maybe we should give these cheating troops extra pay, they are apparently serving a very important function!)

Camp Warhorse is not called Camp Whorehouse by all the troops for nothing. And it's not a compliment, it's an embarrassment.

I'd hoped that this deployment would change my mind, that I would see women who didn't use their sexuality to get special treatment. Sadly, that has not been my experience. We are SO MUCH BETTER than this, and everyone should think so.

But the only ones who can change the situation are the mentors - experienced women like Grey Eagle and others who should tell younger soldiers, male and female, that making base camp into a remake of 'The Bachelor Party' isn't what the Army is about and never will be.

Keep deluding yourself, GE. I hope that you marry a military man and have to send him off with women who strip to their underwear and mud wrestle in front of him for his perusal. Oh, sorry, that's already happened over there, hasn't it? You girls, what a kick in the pants you are!!

Posted by: Oda Mae at August 3, 2005 09:06 PM

Wow Oda Mae!!!!

Now that's what I really wanted to say but didn't have the insider knowledge to tell it like it really is.

Thanks for laying it all out. I've heard stories up to and including wife swapping in one of my husband's former squadrons but you really did say it all, and brought us to the present and the sorry spectacle that is going on in Iraq.

Women need to learn there's a difference between being just a female and being a lady.


Posted by: susan at August 3, 2005 09:45 PM

Oda Mae,
I've sure missed your comments. Haven't heard from you for a while. Glad you're back. You're the best--you're great at not mincing words! Love it!
Sarah's Mom

Posted by: Nancy at August 4, 2005 07:11 AM

Sarah - all your other comments pretty much say anything I would say...except better. Grey Eagle "outed" herself with her self-serving, hypocritical statement. There is no excuse for cheating on your spouse (and by the cheat on your've cheated on your kids too). That goes for the spouse left at home as well. It's very disturbing to see that moral relativism has a firm root in the 101st least in the persona of this woman. I certainly hope other members of the 101st Airborne don't share her attitude.

Posted by: gibby at August 4, 2005 05:25 PM

Having deployed to OIF I in a CS unit (MP BN) I cannot even begin to tell the problems of the females in the unit who were open for business (not profit, just business) and the seemingly unending line of willing males married and otherwise. Fornication was and I am sure still is rampant in theatre. There arfe of course exeptions such as the NG female who won a Silver Star not too long ago but for the most part, I would be willing to forgo females in the military.

Posted by: cptham at August 4, 2005 06:32 PM

It goes the other way, I rode SSBNs for a while. You should have seen the enlisted club the night a boat pulled out- nothing but lonely boomer widows.

Posted by: thomas at August 5, 2005 02:46 AM

Don't let GE get to you. You brought up an different point & one that needed some consideration. I had to deal with middle of the night phone calls where the spouse was trying to get back at the hubby so she claimed the kids were abused. Yes the KIDS! When the issue was pushed that she have them see a doctor, all of a sudden they were "getting back together." The point to this is, that it irks me greatly that there ARE people who claim abuse in an effort to strike revenge. What does this do the the female that was really raped? Screws her over pretty much when and IF is tries to report it.

GE has some conflicting views.


Posted by: Household6 at August 5, 2005 07:28 AM

OMG!! I am appaled at her (Grey Eagle)comment about consentual sex (living in the moment) and how it is a not a reflection of how they feel about their families, spouses back home, and the love they have! If you love someone you would be strong enough to be faithful to them during deployment and times when you are apart! Hopefully she is not participating in this adultry lifestyle that causes homes to be wrecked and families to be destroyed! Thanks for posting what she said!

Posted by: Deanne at August 15, 2005 06:49 PM