trying to grok

Sarah, you are not alone. Well, maybe since I'm in Giessen in you are, but I feel the same way you do. My husband and I were married for a year when he brought the subject of joining the Army up. He had dropped out of high school, couldn't hold a job and was going nowhere. He felt that the Army could help him become a man and provide for his family. Well, it's almost 10 years later and gues what? The Army did turn him into a pretty good man and has allowed him to provide for his family. At the moment, I think I am more pro-Army than he is. When he made the decision to enlist (and the numerous re-enlistments), the decision was mutual. I sometimes even talked him into staying IN. So, in a way, I feel as if I have raised my hand also. I couldn't be prouder of him or the Army.

"They also serve" has lost some of its meaning. I grew up in a military family. It was then a real community. We were poor. Everyone in the military was poor except those who came from well-to-do families. So everyone shared. When we lived in Europe, it was soon after the end of WWII, and I was in France when the Berlin Wall went up. Americans felt kinship only among themselves.

Much of that has been lost with the decent pay and two-income families which are now the norm. I saw this during my career, and I would guess it is even worse now (I don't like using that word--different?). Options are much greater now for many quality of life issues. And I have to say, my generation spoiled yours. You don't have that "my career" mentality.

Other wives miss having their family next door to watch the kids. They want to stay in the town they grew up in. You've grown beyond that.

When you are "the Colonel's wife", you'll get them all in line!

Amen Sister!
Not many wives feel the way you do.
I am one though.
:)

You're a "soldier" in your right--thank you.

Sarah, you and the other wives who grok are my heroes. I think I've told you this before but we have so many heroes right now, here in the US and all over where families are stationed. And while I feel compassion for anyone who has someone stationed in harm's way I feel great admiration, respect and love for those of you who stand and wait with respect for your spouse, with understanding, love and pride.

With all due respect, maybe you aren't listening to the right wives! There are many just like you in our community. Most do not have a blogpage to express themselves so eloquently. Some do not speak out because they don't want to upset spouses or suggest another spouse's (their friend's) complaints are not legitimate. Some do not speak so that other wives aren't cut off from expressing themselves within the spouse group rather than voicing complaints to their deployed significant others.

Everyone needs a sounding post. I can assure you that most of the client-spouses I see feel like they support the Army by supporting their husbands. And, in their defense, many have been cast aside after suffering through a year of deployment by husbands who have returned with a calloused cynical attitude or a girlfriend. I think you might be oversimplifying? We can discuss over a beer if you like.

It's wonderful that you have such a good attitude right now. But I can also identify with spouses who have been through five or six of these deployments and are raising two to four kids as essentially solo parents. I do not blame them for, in low times, putting their feelings out there and asking for sympathy.

My husband only comes home once a month for a long weekend. I am happy for the time with him and dread the fact that he will deploy in March, when everyone else will be returning. AS a former military member, I can also understand the excitement he feels that he will be able to use his training and leadership skills in a significant way. I also feel somewhat guilty that I get to see him when others in our group miss their husbands so much. You should be flattered that the wives feel like you are someone they can open up to and express their frustration and anger. That must be difficult for you at times. But don't feel like ALL spouses are like that. You come across as an exceptionally nonjudgmental empathetic person. As with all good things, I guess there is a downside and you're seeing it! Glad you had a great Saturday with Tim.

Sarah, thanks for posting this. I am an Army Reserve wife and we just finished a 14 month mobilization/deployment. I observed many of the same things you did as a reservist's spouse, and I experienced some of it myself. My husband's decision whether to retire or not is ultimately up to him. I have made no demands and while I expect him to take my feelings into consideration, the mobilization has taught me to appreciate what a fine man I married, and to be more flexible. I was angrier with myself going in to the mobilization, because deep down I knew I would have to make some career sacrifices and I was not ready for those. I struggled to keep the career going full time, but eventually, to my detriment and unfortunately to my employer's detriment, my performance was not up to par and I made a major career change.

Adjusting is really hard to do. Remaining continually angry over things we have little control over does not make the adjustments any easier as a military spouse.

I appreciate your posts and I have enjoyed the comments to this one.